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#1 MadGenuis

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Posted 28 June 2017 - 12:15 PM

Let me start off with a few of quick disclaimers: the stories here were written literal years ago, which means that my style of writing and proficiency in English has changed and/or improved since then and thus will probably be written a bit differently than future additions, although I cannot say whether the difference will be noticeable. The chapters that were lost and recovered were furthermore recovered as little more than plain text, needing to be formatted from scratch, so if you notice anything odd about the formatting feel free to point it out.

Chapters in the stories The Search for Hope and Story of Us are missing due to my losing the original documents with them and the place I originally published them - Hentai Foundry - having purged them after changing their policies to disallow loli and shota content. I may eventually bring myself to rewrite these missing chapters, but as of now there is nothing I can do about their absence.

 

After some consideration I decided that rather than make a different topic for each story - and subsequently having to figure out how to deal with separating chapters and ensuring that adding new chapters was possible - I would make a single topic with links to the different chapters on ASSTR. If people turn out to be displeased with this, however, I guess that submitting the stories differently is still an option.

 

Please, feel free to comment! Whether you spot an error and want to alert me to it, think something or another was poorly executed or just want to give me a pat on the back, I absolutely feed off the responses of my readers (EDIT: Reread this and realized that it sounded slightly disturbing. It simply encourages me to keep writing, nothing more.); without them, I've noticed, my motivation to write these free stories becomes hard to keep up, as it feels as though I write solely for my own sake. Any comment, no matter how short or how simple, helps give me a reason to write, so please share your thoughts.

 

Without further ado, the stories:

 

(General tags: Loli, shota, incest)

 

(Story-heavy. General tag: Incest)

 

(The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim fanfiction. No loli or shota yet. Story-heavy. General tags pending.)

Source of phrases in dragon-language here.

 

That's all for now, folks. I know it's far from optimal that parts of the stories are missing, but sadly those are the circumstances I find myself in. Regardless, I hope you enjoy.


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#2 Tod_Naturlich

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 12:10 AM

The search for hope - It's a dark, sad world

Sorry I took so long to start reading. I began with "The search for hope", and the first thing that struck me is that I'm not sure I want to read a story with missing pieces on it, but I'll give it a try.

I liked how you portrayed Keith, since his character shows a very good example of the contradictions of that age. I remember how I felt at that age, and how things that in retrospect are innocuous, felt like really important back then. For example how you show the importance he gives to his search for "love", quite childish at his age.

At first glance, it would appear that all the things that happen to him are an exaggeration, plot elements to justify his depression. But if we consider the narration as one seen from the point of view of Keith, one can really imagine that to him all those things are really happening and are so important, regardless of the objective reality. I always forget that when a narrator is in the third person it doesn't mean it's an omniscient narrator, and I like how you narrate in the third person, but from the perspective of Keith.

Emma, on the other hand, I think could use a little more details. I feel the way she just obeys her brother without almost saying anything makes her a little bit doll-like, specially since you describe it as the first time either of them play like that. I expected her to be either curious, disgusted or scared, but she seemed to simply accept it.

I did like how at the end she tried to imitate her brother and when she couldn't she simply asked "Are we done now?". Still I would like to have more feedback from her before and during that first exploration.

So far I'm liking the story, unfortunately now I have to skip two chapters before I can read more, but I'll give it a try.

Thanks for sharing you stories with us, and I wish you luck in either finding some backup of the missing chapters, or finding the inspiration to recreate them.

Tod

#3 MadGenuis

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 07:36 AM

Thank you for the comment, and I'm glad that you like the story so far, or at least the first chapter of it. I will probably end up rewriting the missing chapters at some point, though doing so feels quite a bit more annoying than it does interesting, given that than just let the creative process take the wheel I'll have to try to stick with the events of the original chapters to avoid clashing with subsequent chapters. I also wanted to wait and see which story people wanted to read the most (back on Hentai Foundry, the last time I actually got feedback on my work, Story of Us was by far the most popular of them) to know which to prioritize.

 

The lack of detail in regard to Emma is probably an issue with the style of narration in this particular story along with Kieth's lack of observational skills, but I can assure you that she is her own character with her own thoughts and feelings on what is happening (which I think is portrayed better as the story progresses). The lack of attention to her thoughts and motivations is also a stylistic one, meant to emphasize that (at this point) Kieth's focus lies elsewhere (and probably doesn't have a fully functioning sense of empathy yet). Maybe someday I'll write that first chapter from Emma's perspective, too... might be interesting to explore her side of those events in detail. (I could simply tell you what she thought or felt, but that doesn't seem nearly as much fun.)


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#4 Tod_Naturlich

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 06:11 PM

The search for hope - Win some, lose some

I liked how you describe the movie night tradition, all those little details about the snacks, the seatings, etc. make it feel real.

I do feel bad that I missed Emma's deflowering, but if all they did was that and play a couple times then I feel I didn't miss too much.

In this chapter it's much clearer that the narration is from Keith's perspective, which both helps his character and helps us understand why the rest of the characters don't get so much details.

I loved the sex scene, from all the bad choices they make while horny to the description of his clumsiness during it. I think you make a very believable sex encounter, with so much going wrong. One thing I was expecting to happen that didn't was their father or mother calling for them to come back, since they had apparently broken one of the cardinal rules of movie night.

I'm also worried about Keith's depression. At first I thought it was just normal teenager angst, but seeing how quickly he fell back to it when he thought the "test" had failed, I fear he's really depressed, and that he might do somenthig really bad as a result. (Ignoring the fact he's fucking his sister, of course.)


I also wanted to wait and see which story people wanted to read the most


Well, I started reading in the order, from top to bottom. Once I read everything I'll tell you which story I would like most to see finished.

Tod

#5 MadGenuis

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 07:26 PM

Heh, nice to see that you're still enjoying the story. I don't have too much to comment on... well, your comment, other than thanking you for your interest once again and maybe (likely superfluously) point out the title of the story in regard to Kieth being "a little" depressed.

 

It's probably for the best that you started from the top, the more I think about it; while The Search for Hope may be missing two chapters near the beginning (which, while significant and feature some amusing events, don't detract too much from the story as a whole), Story of Us in its current form (in case you hadn't even opened the spoiler) is missing half its chapters, and those missing chapters aren't even sequential. The more I think about it, the more convinced I grow that I need to prioritize rewriting the missing chapters for that, since it's really confusing otherwise.

And A Dragon Born... well, while not missing any chapters (it's newer than the other two, written after the events that caused the chapter-losses, and has never actually been reviewed by anyone but myself), it's only two chapters long at the moment, barely features any adult content and doesn't have any loli or shota yet at all. It's probably not very entertaining until I add some more chapters.

 

Hmm... I need to get to work restoring these stories or no one is going to have any fun out of them.

 

EDIT: Just realized that chapter 5 of the story displays the title from chapter 1 at the top... though how I messed that up is beyond me. I think I corrected the mistake, so once the document updates it should be fixed.


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#6 Tod_Naturlich

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Posted 03 July 2017 - 01:39 AM

The search for hope - The greatest achievement of mankind

I'm quite amazed Keith managed to hold on as long as he did. For once I didn't expected him to have the willpower to do it, but his depression does help with that; but also I would have thought after weeks of that, he would have had a nocturnal emission.

I'm also quite surprised you didn't describe all the teasing and pranks he should have been subject to, going to school with a hard on. From what I read on the first chapter, his classmates should have been vicious about it.

After getting that the story is told from Keith perspective, I completely understand that what we get is what he's seeing and feeling, not that his sister is as silent or passive as it appears. Still, I would have liked to see more reactions from her, even if her brother didn't noticed them. I understand that does not fit with the current narrative, and I don't know how it could be fit in, it's just a random thought on my part.

I did found it weird that Keith scurried away from anal videos on the net, yet was more than happy to play with her sister's anus. I assume during the lost chapters they had already done some anal play, but that would only increase his curiosity towards the topic once porn was available, wouldn't it?

I did love their mutual orgasm and how you made them work for it. It's very common in fiction to forgo the workout that sex can be. I was expecting Emma to be more surprised about him ejaculating inside, but I guess that surprise happened in one of the missing chapters, oh well.

Tod

#7 Tod_Naturlich

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Posted 03 July 2017 - 05:58 AM

The search for hope - It gets weirder


he began to dread what was going to happen.


Here is one tangible test of what I meant when I said I wanted to have more depth into Emma's character. While it's true that the story is told from Keith's perspective, we don't know much about Emma, even from his perspective. For example, why would he dread something here? So far Emma has accepted his advances without complaint. Now, perhaps in their earlier interactions she was a brat to him or something, and that is what's making him dread giving her control, but we don't know, since he haven't had any history between the two unrelated to their sexual encounters, from his perspective or any other perspective.

This chapter left me with some doubts I'm guessing were answered in the missing chapters, so I'm asking them here: Why does his room lack a door? Why does the two brother don't share a room?

The part I liked most about this chapter was the active participation of Emma, now I'm beginning to think I know her, I can start to put a personality to her name, a little shy but once decided, very active, sure of herself, and a little facetious. I loved her comment:
 

Can I have my butt back?


But at the same time we get introduced to a new blank character: Mike. The only part of his personality known so far is that he cannot keep secrets. I would have liked at least a flashback to a memory that Keith had of his brother spilling the beans on something.

All in all, I love the development so far. I'm getting worried of what's going to happen, since realistically this cannot have a happy ending, but it's a very good point for the story that I actually care about that.

Tod

#8 MadGenuis

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Posted 03 July 2017 - 10:04 AM

After getting that the story is told from Keith perspective, I completely understand that what we get is what he's seeing and feeling, not that his sister is as silent or passive as it appears. Still, I would have liked to see more reactions from her, even if her brother didn't noticed them. I understand that does not fit with the current narrative, and I don't know how it could be fit in, it's just a random thought on my part.

Honestly the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of eventually writing an entire second story in parallel to this one, only describing everything from Emma's point of view.
 

 

I did found it weird that Keith scurried away from anal videos on the net, yet was more than happy to play with her sister's anus. I assume during the lost chapters they had already done some anal play, but that would only increase his curiosity towards the topic once porn was available, wouldn't it?

I honestly don't remember whether this was explained explicitly in the original lost chapters (an unfortunate side-effect of my having written them half a decade ago), but Kieth does anal play despite himself, not for himself. As early as in the first chapter he discovered that Emma enjoys it, and that's just about all there is to it.

 

Here is one tangible test of what I meant when I said I wanted to have more depth into Emma's character. While it's true that the story is told from Keith's perspective, we don't know much about Emma, even from his perspective. For example, why would he dread something here? So far Emma has accepted his advances without complaint. Now, perhaps in their earlier interactions she was a brat to him or something, and that is what's making him dread giving her control, but we don't know, since he haven't had any history between the two unrelated to their sexual encounters, from his perspective or any other perspective.
But at the same time we get introduced to a new blank character: Mike. The only part of his personality known so far is that he cannot keep secrets. I would have liked at least a flashback to a memory that Keith had of his brother spilling the beans on something.

Yes, a side-effect of the very focused stylistic choice I made way back when I wrote those chapters... there are a lot of background-related things that end up pushed into the background because I decided that it would be too distracting from the main story, but in hindsight I agree that at least some of these things could probably do with an explanation...

 

This chapter left me with some doubts I'm guessing were answered in the missing chapters, so I'm asking them here: Why does his room lack a door? Why does the two brother don't share a room?

Eh, this, at least, has a fairly simple explanation: because I based their house on my own childhood home. There's no real reason that there's no door to the room - not that's relevant to the story, anyway - it's just the way it was. It's the first story I ever wrote that took place almost exclusively in one location, and thus I decided to base that location on a place I was intimately familiar with already, something I never did before or after that story.

 

I'm happy that you're still enjoying the story, though it does put some pressure on me that you only have two chapters left... I think I'll have to prioritize the missing chapters from Story of Us first, but reliving The Search for Hope through someone else reading it for the first time has really reminded me that I need to continue that one, too. Heh.

I also hope - no offense to you, Tod - that there are others reading the stories that just haven't commented yet. Oh well... time to get to work, I think.


Brilliant enough to switch the I and the U.


#9 Tod_Naturlich

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Posted 04 July 2017 - 02:25 AM

The search for hope - The longest stay

I really liked the tender moments in this chapter. It helps to firmly establish Keith's fears and desires, as well as the internal turmoil that drives him. I'm not sure how much his sister actually gets of all that, or if she's only doing things because they feel good, but I doubt she's completely unaware of how much his brother actually needs human contact.

In a previous chapter you mentioned that Keith had read that since Emma had not yet have a period, she was safe. I assume in the missing chapters he had some concern about that. I wonder what is Emma stand on this, does she knows what sex is about? Anyways, I love that neither of them has any problem with him filling her womb, and I love to imagine her running to her room with his seed inside her.

I'm happy that you're still enjoying the story, though it does put some pressure on me


Don't worry about it. I'm not commenting to force you or encourage you to write. I just do it to show my appreciation for the effort you've already put on the stories. I'll be happy regardless of your decision to continue the story or fill in the gaps.

And I will continue to read the rest of your stories, so if you really want a vote for which story I want to see finished, then you'll have to wait until I read them all.
 

I also hope that there are others reading the stories that just haven't commented yet.


This topic has over 180 views, assuming 10% are actual viewers, there are probably at least 10 people who have read something and have not yet commented. Being a writer I guess you already know that most people don't comment on what they read, for whatever reason.

I mean, my most popular story on ASSTR has over 1000 clicks, and I've only receive a single feedback so far.

Tod

#10 MadGenuis

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Posted 04 July 2017 - 07:25 AM

Oh, don't get me wrong, I fully intend to complete all of the stories eventually... it's just doing so in a timely fashion that'll rattle me a little. It's nothing new, of course, and in a way I'm happy that I feel that way again so that it's harder for me to excuse not writing simply because I feel like doing something else; it's the kind of discipline I found faded very quickly once I stopped receiving feedback.

 

And yeah, I know... back before it was removed, the first iteration of Story of Us had nearly 11000 views and just forty-five comments, about half of which were me replying to other people. The whole thing about counting views is just a very unreliable way to tell if people actually read and enjoy stories, though, since you realistically have no way of knowing how many out of the nameless crowd just went in, looked at it a little bit and then decided it wasn't for them. Picking an arbitrary percentage to go by is fine, maybe even statistically probable, but once again you have no proof that it's accurate. Insecurities and all that, I have a bad habit of presuming the worst.

Hell, in all the time my stories were solely on ASSTR I received just one bit of feedback, too, and that was from some anonymous guy rudely pointing out a typo, cited overreliance on autocorrect and insulting my proficiency in English. I mean, really? I may not be a native English speaker, but I think I'm doing pretty well.

 

But I digress. Glad that you enjoyed that chapter - it's probably one of my favorites out of all of them - and still come back to tell me about it (though I suppose it'd be pretty remarkable if you suddenly stopped at this point). The last one for now is up... not entirely happy with that one, myself; in hindsight I suspect that chapter itself is one of the reasons I ended up distracted by other stories rather than continue that one.


Brilliant enough to switch the I and the U.


#11 Tod_Naturlich

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Posted 05 July 2017 - 08:24 PM

The search for hope - Bridled darkness

You've mention a lot over the story this "dark beast" inside Keith, the title of this chapter made me thing it's going to appear. So far I don't know how much is just Keith's imagination, or a real manifestation of his internal struggle between what he's doing and his beliefs that it's wrong. Or even more, if it's something even more serious, considering he claims he looses control like the Hulk with his classmates.

I must congratulate you on your depiction of his anxiety over time, you managed to get me anxious as well.

I must say seeing his "dark side" surface was more comical than anything else. I was afraid he would harm Emma, but I'm pretty sure for the outside observer all he did was grunt more than usual. I got a thrill seeing him cork his spunk inside her and thinking about getting her pregnant, and again I wonder how much does Emma knows about sex and making babies.

And with that we reach the end of the story so far. It does feel incomplete, there are lots of unanswered plot points and I can't really see what would be the ultimate end of his saga. Realistically it cannot end well, but in fantasy all is possible.

You've mentioned some times that you're thinking about writing a side story from the point of view of Emma. While I'm not against that at all, perhaps you could insert those passages from Emma's perspective into the main story, to avoid forcing a reader to read two stories to fully know what happened.

Tod

#12 Tod_Naturlich

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Posted 10 September 2017 - 09:35 AM

Well, it appears ASSTR is coming back, so I finally can continue reading.

Story of Us - Prologue - Age of SOWN

Interesting beginning, I was wondering what a "Superorganic World Nexus" would be, the name really could apply to a new AI, a man-made biological organism or an alien.

Ok, after reading Kenneth description of what SOWN is, I really can't understand how all the world governments agree to something like that, specially if the creator is giving such poor review of his own work, telling the world that he would have done things different. Not that I don't think people can reach agreements, but at least I would have expected that every big ruler would have a working countersignal ready, waiting to join until it's proven to be safe, just like the family.

On a more scientific aspect, I have no idea how that thing could work, even assuming "brainwaves" could be read at a distance, and somehow a brain could be modified just by sending it more waves, the part that I cannot accept is that a single machine can use each human as a relay, that would assume that each human has a power source big enough to generate such waves, and therefore they already had the ability to do this "World Nexus" without the machine to begin with.

All in all it's a very interesting concept, and I'm really curious now as to what happened, what went wrong and what were the consequences. The only thing that distracts me from this is my inability to accept that this experiment actually took place. I mean, if this had just been a partial test that went out of control, and it "infected" everyone without them knowing (and Kenneth just happened to install a countermeasure in his house out of precaution), I would have an easier time, but the whole concept that this was a world agreement it's hard to believe.



Story of Us - Ominous insights

Ok, so from the beginning of this chapter I'm guessing that most if not all the world was killed by the activation of the SOWN. I'm guessing trying to share the thoughts of ten billion people was too much for any brain, and they just stopped working. I'm guessing the protection in the house lasted enough so the family wasn't exposed to that initial wave, and when it failed they, as lone survivors joined in a network small enough to work without dying.

And for some reason they masturbated like crazy (I really can't fathom that reason).

I like the way you sweep under the carpet the crumble of human civilization. I know that today electricity would only last a couple hours without anyone managing our electric centrals, all farm animals would be death or feral within weeks, and all crops overrun by native vegetation in months. I like that you put the story so far in the future that humans are no longer necessary for human survival. Perhaps that's why the governments were able to agree to turn on the SOWN. If you include in the prologue a small indication that this is the far away future, and that the international environment has radically changed, it would make it much easier to accept that premise.

I was wondering why he was so horny, according to the prologue, they have made test that included several thousand people, and I'm guessing they did include in those groups hormone filled teenagers. But when Adam said "Dad would never let SOWN activate if it had this many flaws. Something is completely wrong here...", it makes me thing that perhaps this wasn't a failure at all, but it was sabotage. Wonder if the story will go there?

The ending of this chapter was very strong, you managed to convey the despair of knowing everyone you knew is dead, and seeing their father all but die in front of their eyes. It's a very powerful scene, congratulations.

Story of Us - Evolution

I find it curious that at first glance the missing chapters appear to be just sex scenes whose contribution to the plot can be explained in a few sentences in the next chapter. Chapter 1 apparently was a massive masturbatory session, followed by Adam discovering everyone else was dead. Chapter 3 apparently was Sylvia giving Adam a blowjob and the rest of the family waking up.

This world is becoming more interesting, and more frightening. Not only are the streets filled with corpses, but there are humans with computers by brains.

I was thinking they were a few hundred years into the future, but that "dimporter" shattered my assumptions. Technology to reduce mass is a far greater achievement than anything else you have described so far. Now I'm not worried about humanity, if they have something like that, then off-world colonies are a simple matter, with mass reduction you can also affect gravity, time dilation, etc. I'm assuming the SOWNs were only deployed on Earth, so humans living off world should have been unaffected.

Very interesting masturbatory session. It was weird and at the same time very arousing. Though I can't imagine why they didn't just go to her room and physically interrupted her, if they really wanted her to stop.



This universe you created has a lot of space to grow, I do hope you eventually find the missing chapter or decide to create them anew.

As always, thanks for sharing with us.

Tod

#13 Tod_Naturlich

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Posted 11 September 2017 - 07:50 AM

A Dragon Born - Prologue - There be dragons

Well, I've never played Skyrim before, so let's hope this story does not require previous knowledge of the series to make sense. Ok, I did have to made a quick search for "Dragonborn", but I think I get the gist of the character. And another search for "Dunmer", "Nord"

I'm really liking this protagonist. It's clear that he's a... being... that has already achieved almost everything and now find life and common mortals boring.

Well, at least dragons seems to still require his attention, so he's not all-powerful yet. I did find it weird that he was holding court somewhere in the open, since they could see the dragon flying overhead. I had imagined his throne was inside some kind of castle.

I have mixed feeling about this dovahzul language. For once it really gives the story a great feeling of taking place in another place, where magic and dragons and elves exists. But it does make it harder to read, since I tend to go back whenever I think I see a repeat of a word, trying to find it's meaning. I liked it that the dragon seems to repeat what he says in dovahzul in English for our benefit, even if the protagonist chastises him for it.

I specially like the twist you put on the quest I expected from the protagonist. Usually when you have a character that's already achieved everything, the quest is for something mundane that will help them regain contact with the mere mortals. But here you have him find that he's no yet as strong as he could be, that he can still work to achieve godhood.

It's interesting that he still has such a strong moral code as to reject the offer to "have daughters for you dragons to breed with, but you want me to breed with my own daughters?". I would have assumed if he was already getting distant from mortals that he would not consider them as important.

A very interesting beginning, although it only provides a very basic setting for what might come. The only character we have really met so far is the Dragonborn, no even once of his possible mates, and if he really decides to bring the species back, I assume he will need as many mates as possible.



A Dragon Born - What makes a Dragonborn

Very impressive battle. From the description in the previous chapter I imagine he would be a force to be reckon with, but it felt very nice to actually see it in action. Still, the best part was the realizations he achieved after his bloodlust settled. In the last chapter he appeared to be almost completely removed from mortals (except for his refusal to mate), but here we could see that he is indeed at least part human. And we also at least lear his name. Great way to reveal such important part of him.

Very interesting how these "Shouts" grant him power but also turn him away from humanity. I wonder if that is part of the game or if you used that for the story. In any case, an excellent way to mix a blessing and a curse.

And the end of that masturbatory fantasy was pretty comical, "underwhelming" was an adept description.

And you decide to end with a cliffhanger. With such interesting world and the new realization that his urges might grow to consume him, there really wasn't any need for a cliffhanger to keep the readers interested, so I resent the lack of any following chapters even more.

As I stated at the beginning, I know almost nothing about Skyrim, but even then I really liked the world you presented, filled with interesting creatures and mythology. The character is also very relatable, for even if he has the power of a god, he's still struggling with interesting problems. I do hope you eventually continue this, I would love to read more about it.

As always, thanks for sharing with us.

Tod



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