Jump to content

  •  

Close Open
Close Open
Photo

Dark jokes

comedy humor

  • Please log in to reply
74 replies to this topic

#1 Dementedkaliber

Dementedkaliber

    Dark Comedian

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 207 posts
  • Location:In my shadow
  • Preference:Loli

Posted 29 April 2016 - 02:55 AM

Tell your dark jokes because i love them. Doesn't matter how long or short they are.

 

 

I don't really care how offensive they are or what group they target. If you would complain about such things then you shouldn't read the posts here.

 

 

 

 

 

(If mods want to remove thread then ask me to, or do so yourself. I'm not sure how dark jokes could not break rule 3, since being offensive is their purpose but jokes are not meant to be taken seriously so i think it's ok.)


  • thatenemy and Wubcake like this

My kinks http://bdsmtest.org/....php?id=1829277

My psn tag is "Lupegarou" if u want to add me.

Ask me anything https://allthefallen...-i-wont-answer/


#2 Dementedkaliber

Dementedkaliber

    Dark Comedian

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 207 posts
  • Location:In my shadow
  • Preference:Loli

Posted 29 April 2016 - 03:09 AM

I'll start off with pedo joke to be ironic. It's also a fav of mine.

 

 

How do you know if ur girlfriend is too young?

When u have to make airplane noises to get your cock in her mouth.


  • touma, Your Worst Nightmare, lolisandtraps and 7 others like this

My kinks http://bdsmtest.org/....php?id=1829277

My psn tag is "Lupegarou" if u want to add me.

Ask me anything https://allthefallen...-i-wont-answer/


#3 LiLaLolibear

LiLaLolibear

    Advanced Member

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 372 posts
  • Preference:Loli

Posted 29 April 2016 - 08:12 AM

Did you know that nine out of ten people have no problem with gang rape?
  • throwaway, Your Worst Nightmare, dfirehunter and 8 others like this
"Do not wait to lick till the loli is wet,
but make her wet by licking."

#4 Dementedkaliber

Dementedkaliber

    Dark Comedian

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 207 posts
  • Location:In my shadow
  • Preference:Loli

Posted 29 April 2016 - 03:41 PM

I contacted the rape helpline to seek guidance after the incident but was disappointed to find out it's only for victims.

 

 

Last night i was raping a woman and she said "think of my children", kinky slut.


  • throwaway, LordChaozura, Your Worst Nightmare and 2 others like this

My kinks http://bdsmtest.org/....php?id=1829277

My psn tag is "Lupegarou" if u want to add me.

Ask me anything https://allthefallen...-i-wont-answer/


#5 thatenemy

thatenemy

    but your friend

  • Super Moderators
  • 974 posts
  • Location:Belgium
  • Preference:I Love it all

Donator

Posted 29 April 2016 - 04:16 PM

I don't see a problem as long as no one feels offended by being directly insulted. Personally I think one can joke about pretty much anything as long as this condition is met, unfortunately not everyone agrees.

 

What is better than 8 babies in 1 trashcan? 1 baby in 8 trashcans. 

I like my children like my whiskey: never opened, 9 years old and stored in my basement.


  • throwaway, Your Worst Nightmare, KGery and 2 others like this

#6 Erundil

Erundil

    Don't mind me, keep scrolling...

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 547 posts
  • Preference:N/A

Posted 30 April 2016 - 12:21 AM

Oldie but goodie I first heard when I was 10. Needless to say I didn't understand what's so funny about it back then:

 

Q: You know what's best in fucking thirty five year olds?

A: The fact that if you fuck one a day, they can last you a month.


  • kfox82 likes this

If you want me to answer - quote my post in yours.

I'm sorry, but I have an opinion on your opinion.


#7 touma

touma

    trap connoisseur

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 858 posts
  • Preference:I Love it all

Posted 02 May 2016 - 09:34 AM

Did you know that nine out of ten people have no problem with gang rape?

gotta correct it. the joke is "when polled, 9/10 said they enjoy gang rape". at least thats how i heard it first.

 

whats the worst part of being a kike and a nigger? having to go to the back of the oven :D


  • throwaway and kfox82 like this

"Touma you just jelly caz i get less cunt then you"-mouse 2.0

Traps: the dick only makes it better


#8 Dementedkaliber

Dementedkaliber

    Dark Comedian

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 207 posts
  • Location:In my shadow
  • Preference:Loli

Posted 03 May 2016 - 12:28 AM

Why do Japanese have small eyes?  because they are still squinting from the blast.

 

 

 

Pedos never win races, they are always coming in a little behind.


  • PlatinumSurfer, touma, throwaway and 5 others like this

My kinks http://bdsmtest.org/....php?id=1829277

My psn tag is "Lupegarou" if u want to add me.

Ask me anything https://allthefallen...-i-wont-answer/


#9 throwaway

throwaway

    Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,191 posts
  • Location:People's Republic of Boulder, Colorado
  • Preference:I Love it all

Posted 03 May 2016 - 01:21 AM

What do Asian men and black men have in common?

 

When God was making both of them he asked them the same question: "Alright, you can either have jobs or cocks, what'll it be?"

 

 

 

A black 4th grader named Tyrone goes into the shower with his classmates after gym class. He noticed his classmates were all less endowed than him.

 

When Tyrone got home he asked his mother "Mama, why is my wiener bigger than the other boys in class? Is it because I'm black?"

 

To which his mother replied. "No Tyrone, it's because you're 23 years old."


  • PlatinumSurfer, touma, LordChaozura and 5 others like this

I finished Amber the Orphan! : LUST : Here's the Hoshino Fuuta thread. I'm now working on a shotaXshota doujin thread. My 3 loliXshota first crush stories are still here. Read Trapped in the Snow, We Can't Do That Here and A Weekend Without Parents.
 


#10 Tim_Merrigan_54

Tim_Merrigan_54

    Member

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 338 posts
  • Preference:Toddler Loli

Posted 03 May 2016 - 01:49 AM

 

Did you know that nine out of ten people have no problem with gang rape?

gotta correct it. the joke is "when polled, 9/10 said they enjoy gang rape". at least thats how i heard it first.

 

whats the worst part of being a kike and a nigger? having to go to the back of the oven :D

 

 

Would the 1 be the girl?



#11 throwaway

throwaway

    Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,191 posts
  • Location:People's Republic of Boulder, Colorado
  • Preference:I Love it all

Posted 04 May 2016 - 06:31 AM

What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend when he saw he was going on vacation?

 

"Want me to help you pack your shit?"


  • Your Worst Nightmare, Cuddler and kfox82 like this

I finished Amber the Orphan! : LUST : Here's the Hoshino Fuuta thread. I'm now working on a shotaXshota doujin thread. My 3 loliXshota first crush stories are still here. Read Trapped in the Snow, We Can't Do That Here and A Weekend Without Parents.
 


#12 Len

Len

    Admitted to having a small dick

  • Rookies
  • PipPipPip
  • 65 posts
  • Preference:Furry Loli

Posted 06 May 2016 - 05:38 PM

Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.


  • throwaway, KGery and kfox82 like this

I'm slightly more powerful than I let on.


#13 JackyHF

JackyHF

    Meido Waitress

  • Translation Team
  • 707 posts
  • Location:Heart Café
  • Preference:Loli

Posted 06 May 2016 - 07:15 PM

What's the best disease in the world? Alzheimer, because you get to meet new people every day.


  • throwaway, LordChaozura, Your Worst Nightmare and 1 other like this

#14 KGery

KGery

    ┬┴┬┴┤(・_├┬┴┬┴

  • Rookies
  • PipPipPip
  • 47 posts
  • Location:Nice try really, nice try.
  • Preference:Loli
  • Fetishes:Peeing, Oppai Loli

Posted 06 May 2016 - 09:01 PM

How many children does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Not sure, it's still dark in the basement.


  • throwaway, thatenemy, Fizerin and 2 others like this

#15 thatenemy

thatenemy

    but your friend

  • Super Moderators
  • 974 posts
  • Location:Belgium
  • Preference:I Love it all

Donator

Posted 13 May 2016 - 09:26 PM

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

What's the hardest part of looking at a pile of dead babies? My cock.

Why is the Ethiopian baby crying? Mid-life crisis.

Do you know why I couldn't stop laughing yesterday? Because the kids at school were begging me for mercy and not to kill them.


  • touma, presidentbush, throwaway and 3 others like this

#16 Dementedkaliber

Dementedkaliber

    Dark Comedian

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 207 posts
  • Location:In my shadow
  • Preference:Loli

Posted 14 May 2016 - 01:54 AM

What did the dirty stranger say to the angry cannibal? Its just mayonnaise i swear!

 

It is the year 2030, a major flood is imminent. A woman comes across a poor man who attends her church that couldn't afford a ticket underground and he is building a giant ship. There are also a wide assortment of animals he is herding onto the ship. She sais "your a good man for following your god given abilities, and thank you for taking care of the animals out of the kindness of ur heart" for which he nods and sais "unfortunately i have no room for more humans". As he is finishing up she sais "do you have everything you need to be the second noah?". He replies "i have nothing to help me if i get stuck, some KY jelly would be nice".

 

 

I made those up, sorry if they were lacking.


  • kfox82 likes this

My kinks http://bdsmtest.org/....php?id=1829277

My psn tag is "Lupegarou" if u want to add me.

Ask me anything https://allthefallen...-i-wont-answer/


#17 Hero of The Fallen

Hero of The Fallen

    Hero

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 94 posts
  • Location:FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!
  • Preference:Shota
  • Fetishes:Oppai Loli, Ponies

Posted 14 May 2016 - 10:01 AM

 

What do Asian men and black men have in common?

 

When God was making both of them he asked them the same question: "Alright, you can either have jobs or cocks, what'll it be?"

 

 

 

A black 4th grader named Tyrone goes into the shower with his classmates after gym class. He noticed his classmates were all less endowed than him.

 

When Tyrone got home he asked his mother "Mama, why is my wiener bigger than the other boys in class? Is it because I'm black?"

 

To which his mother replied. "No Tyrone, it's because you're 23 years old."

my dad told me that one xD

 

 

 

 

Did you know that nine out of ten people have no problem with gang rape?

gotta correct it. the joke is "when polled, 9/10 said they enjoy gang rape". at least thats how i heard it first.

 

whats the worst part of being a kike and a nigger? having to go to the back of the oven :D

 

Would the 1 be the girl?

oooooh if only there was a button i could press to shun you for all eternity. oh! i found it! -presses it-


Hello Everyone! I'm TheGamer! I play what I want, where I want, whenever I have the time. @IPlayWhatIWant2


#18 throwaway

throwaway

    Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,191 posts
  • Location:People's Republic of Boulder, Colorado
  • Preference:I Love it all

Posted 16 May 2016 - 07:02 AM

Two gay men, Josh and Bill, finish making love. Josh went to the shower to clean up while Bill lay in bed for a few minutes. Bill eventually got up and decided it'd be pretty sexy to join his lover in the shower. He went into the bathroom and drew back the shower curtain. Before he could see Josh, he saw a gush of cum squirt out into the water.

 

"Josh, I'm disappointed. I was going to come in here and have sex with you and here you are jacking off." Bill said.

 

"I wasn't jacking off!" Josh insisted "I farted."


  • Mondoid and kfox82 like this

I finished Amber the Orphan! : LUST : Here's the Hoshino Fuuta thread. I'm now working on a shotaXshota doujin thread. My 3 loliXshota first crush stories are still here. Read Trapped in the Snow, We Can't Do That Here and A Weekend Without Parents.
 


#19 Len

Len

    Admitted to having a small dick

  • Rookies
  • PipPipPip
  • 65 posts
  • Preference:Furry Loli

Posted 24 May 2016 - 11:25 PM

That's a dirty joke, a dark joke makes fun of misery and tragedy. Like "My waitress had a black eye, so I made my order very slowly and clearly because she clearly doesn't listen".

 

On the subject of black humor, I first saw the term "black comedy" in a TV guide that was describing a movie starring Whoopi Goldberg. For about half a decade I thought that a black comedy was a comedy that starred black people.


  • kfox82 likes this

I'm slightly more powerful than I let on.


#20 oakskin

oakskin

    Loli tears

  • Rookies
  • PipPipPip
  • 41 posts
  • Preference:Toddler

Posted 30 May 2016 - 02:22 PM

What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?

There's 20 of them

 

What's grey. runs along the walls, and kills Jews?

A gas pipe

 

What do you call a field full of niggers?

The good old days

 

What do you call a field full of children?

Good hunting

 

Why do pedophiles like windows 7?

Because it's 7


  • presidentbush, LordChaozura, thatenemy and 3 others like this

#21 throwaway

throwaway

    Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,191 posts
  • Location:People's Republic of Boulder, Colorado
  • Preference:I Love it all

Posted 31 May 2016 - 01:52 AM

Found some good ones online

 

 

 

During a meeting of Nazi Party officials Hitler tells them "Our goal will be to kill 6 million Jews and one clown."

 

One of the Nazi officials pipes up and asks "Wait, Adolf, why do you want to kill a clown?"

 

To this Hitler responds "Why does everyone ask about the clown first?"

 

 

 

What's the worst part about being both black and Jewish? Having to go to the back of the oven.

 

 

 

How do you get a Jewish girl to give you her number? Roll up her sleeve.

 

 

 

A doctor tells his patient "I have bad news and worse news."

 

The patient eyes the doctor nervously. "Wh-what is it?"

 

"The bad news is I saw your test results and you probably only have twenty four hours to live." The doctor says, giving the patient a stern look.

 

"Oh my God, if that's the bad news what could be the worse news?" The exasperated patient asks.

 

"Well..." begins the doctor, looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry to say this but I forgot to call you yesterday..."

 

 

 

Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend? Well, you gotta drop the bomb twice before she'll get the hint.

 

 

 

A boy comes home from civics class. His assignment is to ask his parents how they feel about various political issues.

 

"Hey mom, how do you feel about abortion?"

 

"Ask your sister." His mom replies.

 

The boy looks puzzled. "But I don't have a-"

 

 

 

I'm unsure of how I feel about abortion. On one hand, I'm all in favor of murdering children, on the other hand, I don't like the idea of women having rights.

 

 

 

What did the man with leprosy say to the whore?

 

"Keep the tip."

 

 

 

Where did the Islamic terrorist go after the explosion? Everywhere.

 

 

 

What's the difference between the September 11th attacks and a cow? You won't be able to milk the cow for a decade and a half.

 

 

 

Who are the world's fastest readers? 9/11 victims because they went through over 80 stories in a few seconds.

 

 

 

What's the most positive thing in Africa right now? The AIDS tests.

 

 

 

So I was raping a girl the other day and she screamed "NO! THINK OF MY CHILDREN!" Kinky bitch.

 

 

 

My girlfriend asked me to treat her like a princess so I went out, got drunk, took her for a drive and crashed the car.

 

 

 

Follow up to the above joke: Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the day she died? I mean, to be fair she was all over the rest of the dashboard too >_<

 

 

 

Follow up to the follow up: What's the difference between Princess Diana and jokes about Princess Diana? The jokes about Princess Diana get old.


  • touma, LordChaozura, JackyHF and 3 others like this

I finished Amber the Orphan! : LUST : Here's the Hoshino Fuuta thread. I'm now working on a shotaXshota doujin thread. My 3 loliXshota first crush stories are still here. Read Trapped in the Snow, We Can't Do That Here and A Weekend Without Parents.
 


#22 LiLaLolibear

LiLaLolibear

    Advanced Member

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 372 posts
  • Preference:Loli

Posted 31 May 2016 - 07:04 AM

oh man, some of those jokes really cracked me up. I'm a horrible person. But you msde my morning less dreary.

On a side note, isn't there a bit of gap-moe about those dark jokes?
  • kfox82 likes this
"Do not wait to lick till the loli is wet,
but make her wet by licking."

#23 Cuddler

Cuddler

    Thanks Etto. <3

  • Donators
  • 787 posts
  • Location:At my writing desk if I could focus. >.<
  • Preference:I Love it all

Donator

Posted 31 May 2016 - 07:42 AM

A 9/11 joke I remember hearing. I'm ashamed to say it makes me chuckle every time.

 

"It's a bird!"

 

"It's a plane!"

 

"It's a... oh shit, it IS a plane!"


  • throwaway, LordChaozura, thatenemy and 2 others like this

"I don't love children because I'm a pedophile. I'm a pedophile because I love children." - Masakatsu [Paraphrased]

 

Curious about the colored text? Check out my profile. If you're still confused, leave a message.

 

Also: https://allthefallen...-interrogation/

 

 

All of my previous avatars, in order to The best of my recollection [wip]:

 

 


#24 Len

Len

    Admitted to having a small dick

  • Rookies
  • PipPipPip
  • 65 posts
  • Preference:Furry Loli

Posted 02 June 2016 - 09:48 PM

I was fucking a girl and she kept screaming her husband's name.

 

She didn't know that I killed him a few minutes ago.


  • kfox82 likes this

I'm slightly more powerful than I let on.


#25 throwaway

throwaway

    Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,191 posts
  • Location:People's Republic of Boulder, Colorado
  • Preference:I Love it all

Posted 03 June 2016 - 06:56 AM

A 9/11 joke I remember hearing. I'm ashamed to say it makes me chuckle every time.

 

"It's a bird!"

 

"It's a plane!"

 

"It's a... oh shit, it IS a plane!"

 

sexytwins.jpg

 

Yeah, I've posted it before.


  • JackyHF likes this

I finished Amber the Orphan! : LUST : Here's the Hoshino Fuuta thread. I'm now working on a shotaXshota doujin thread. My 3 loliXshota first crush stories are still here. Read Trapped in the Snow, We Can't Do That Here and A Weekend Without Parents.
 


#26 Erundil

Erundil

    Don't mind me, keep scrolling...

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 547 posts
  • Preference:N/A

Posted 03 June 2016 - 06:43 PM

I remembered seeing this one ages ago... Are comics allowed? It *is* dark humor after all.

Anyway, here we go. Just delete/report it if comics are not ok:

a1wLxeg23_840w_v1.jpg

 

In case it gets deleted from the source site, I'm attaching it as well.

Attached Thumbnails

  • a1wLxeg23_840w_v1.jpg

  • touma, throwaway, shadozcreep and 5 others like this

If you want me to answer - quote my post in yours.

I'm sorry, but I have an opinion on your opinion.


#27 thatenemy

thatenemy

    but your friend

  • Super Moderators
  • 974 posts
  • Location:Belgium
  • Preference:I Love it all

Donator

Posted 29 July 2016 - 03:53 PM

http://9gag.com/gag/aOv0oeN

 

Just look through the comments, there are some really good ones.


  • KGery and Dementedkaliber like this

#28 Kumakai

Kumakai

    But it refused!

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 517 posts
  • Location:Dallas Tx
  • Preference:Toddler Loli
  • Fetishes:Ponies

Posted 29 July 2016 - 04:15 PM

What's the awesome thing about fucking a 12 year old in the shower?

If you slick her hair back she looks 8

How do you make a little girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

Nobody knows, they just sit in the dark and bitch about it till a man does it

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you haven't already told her twice
  • throwaway, Etto, Bear299 and 1 other like this
Just some choice quotes Ronald David Laing ~ \"Insanity sometimes is the sane response to a mad society\" Gilgamesh~ \"Offense is taken, not given.\" Steven King~ \"human beings are fundamentally insane.  Put more than three of us in a room together and we start dreaming up reasons to kill one another.  Why do you think we invented religion and politics?\" Albert Einstein~ \"Everybody is a genius.  But when you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree it will spend its whole life thinking it was stupid.\" \"So long and thanks for all the fish\" ~Bob Marley. \"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have\"

#29 Etto

Etto

    Smug Arale is bae

  • VIP
  • PipPipPip
  • 481 posts
  • Location:Belgium
  • Preference:Toddler Loli

Posted 16 August 2016 - 03:05 PM

Do you know the national dish in Etiopia ?

 

No ?

 

Cool ! Neither do they !


I'll be reciting my poem:

Ice is nice, but fire is dryer... Goodbye


#30 LordChaozura

LordChaozura

    Lazy, Yet Diligent

  • Super Moderators
  • 2,196 posts
  • Preference:Loli

Posted 16 August 2016 - 03:20 PM


  • throwaway, Etto, Cuddler and 2 others like this



0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users